Thanks Dad? I think.

I went to church today and Pastor Mark preached about character and integrity.   These are the things that a father should have and want to be remembered for when they are gone.   It was a great sermon but it somewhat made me sad because I don’t remember my Dad for his character and integrity.    I then went on to read a lot of blogs today from bloggers worldwide thanking their fathers for being such a great Dad.   I thought about it a lot today and thought maybe I should thank my Dad too:

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Thanks Dad for changing your name and never letting us know who you really were.   I am glad that I do not know my heritage or any of my family members from your side of the tracks.   Even though I have no clue where I came from, I do know where I am going.

Thanks Dad for letting us know that you had two daughters before marrying my Mom, adopting her boys (my brothers) and donating your sperm for me.   If I could find Pammy and Lisa (yes, this is all I know about them) I would let them know how lucky they were that you walked out of their life and never looked back.

Thanks Dad for never taking me to church or teaching me about God.   It makes me so happy to know that you respected me enough to allow me to make my own choice about religion.  Because you allowed me to make my own choice about religion, I made poor choices about life in general.   God should have always been first in my life from the day I was born.   But you made sure that didn’t happen.  How dare anyone love someone in life more than you.

Thanks Dad for always making sure I knew how to make friends.   I mean, because we moved every two or three years I had to, right?   Because of that I tried very hard never to get close to anyone because we would be moving again.   I still have that ability.  The ability to distance myself from everyone.  They say home is where the heart is.  I never had a home.

Thanks Dad for making sure I always went to the doctor and to the dentist like I should have growing up.   Because I was so well taken care of I only needed $13,000.00 worth of work on my teeth when I turned 18 and was able to care for myself.   And that broken nose you never took me to the doctor for, well I finally got that fixed too when I was in my thirties, well after you had died from your drinking.

Thanks Dad for showing all of us how to drink really well.    Alcoholism, whether genetic or learned, you made sure it effected every one of us.

Thanks Dad for being sure we all knew what a strong man you were.   We were all left speechless every time you showed your strength when you beat one of my brothers, or even my Mom for that matter.

Thanks Dad for being such a great leader and for taking charge in the family.   Your guidance taught us so well.   We knew that as long as we pounded our own chest that everyone was sure to respect us.   Respect was not something we would have to earn in life, right?  As long as we controlled everyone we came in contact with we would be okay.

Thanks Dad for always being so proud of me in school.   For not attending my induction into the National Honor Society.  For not attending my high school graduation.   For not encouraging me to go to college.   Mom always said my mind was wasted, but who was she to speak up?   I’m still learning Dad, every day I learn something new.

Thanks Dad, for playing Russian roulette with Mom, literally.   Although she married you, she always knew she was the lucky one, finding one of the five empty chambers every time.    Did you ever think she would outlive you?  She didn’t.  She was certain you would kill her first.

Thanks Dad, for teaching me how to fish.   Yep, thanks Dad, I’m glad I know how to fish.

Wow, Dad.   Who would have known I would have so much to say “Thank you” for?   Really, Thanks Dad, because if it were not for you, I would not be who I am today.   That’s not to say that you helped or encouraged me to be the person that I am, but you certainly showed me who I did not want to be.

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5 responses

  1. A well-written story expressing the opposite prospective of fatherhood.
    We don’t all fit the cookie cutter image of storybook parents.
    It was comforting to see a story about father’s day that wasn’t sprinkled with stardust.

    1. Yes I know. I have made several mistakes of my own. My cookie cutter is very oddly shaped!

  2. Ahhh Monique, this just made me sad….and then it made me happy in a strange sort of way, because in spite of the fact that your “Dad” missed the mark in regards to being a man of good character and integrity….you have not!
    Learning from someone else’s mistakes only works when we have really learned the lesson. One way of doing that is by making the choice to be a better person, and you have done just that, and it shows!
    I’m sorry your Dad story wasn’t a happier one, but I am so proud of you for looking past the bad stuff and finding the good things 🙂
    Thanks for sharing, even though I’m sure it was hard to write.
    Becky

    1. It felt good to write in a weird sort of way. Funny, I never realized growing up what I was missing, I thought it was normal. Only recently have I realized it was not. Thanks for making me feel so awseome 🙂

      1. You are awesome!
        I’m thinking that writing it out like that was probably part of the healing process. Painful, yes….necessary, probably.
        The fact that you can identify the abnormal and strive to become a better person is HUGE! I wish more people would come to this realization instead of always blaming their parents for their behavior/actions. At some point in our lives, we have to become responsible for our own choices….good job for making that choice! 🙂

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